Much to my dismay, I’ve found that I have a system for changing my
\nson. I should have known it would happen. Our once well-decorated shelf
\nis no longer; functionality won out over form. Baby wipes replaced
\nknick knacks. Diapers now reside in the previous home of picture
\nframes. It didn’t take us long to realize the tools of the trade
\nneeded to be handy.<\/p>\n
Now these tools are used in a sequence of very repeatable steps. Just
\nas a carpenter hones his craft, my skills have been sharpened to
\na razor’s edge. I do this completely without showing my butt crack
\n(even though a butt crack is still definitely involved). Here are the steps:<\/p>\n
The Preparation<\/b><\/p>\n
Lay Cambell down on the table, making sure that no remnants of the
\nlast change remain. Just where did that spot on the sheet come from?<\/p>\n
Pull out a baby wipe. Ready the pee rag. You want these
\ntwo primed and ready. If needed, prepare the Desitin by opening
\nthe tube and squeezing just a bit out the top. You don’t want
\nto be searching for tools once the fireworks begin. In this case,
\nit is him with his pants down, not you.<\/p>\n
The Change<\/b><\/p>\n
Release the shoot. Set the pee rag in place. This is purely
\na protective measure.<\/p>\n
Remove the diaper, taking care to keep the child clear of
\nthe waste below. Wipe the bottom clean, making sure to get
\nevery crease and crevice. This is not a job for the shy.<\/p>\n
Quickly replace the old diaper with a new one.
\nYou never know when Mount Saint Campell can erupt.
\nYour speed could make the difference between filling a new diaper
\nor firing a round across the changing table. (I can assure both
\nof these events have occurred. In fact, this morning, he filled
\nthree diapers. Yes, three.)<\/p>\n
If the fountain of youth erupts, hope that the stream can be directed
\ninto the rag or led into the new diaper. Take heed. An unprepared
\nparent can end up with a wet child or a wet shirt. A golden shower
\ndoes not smell like lemons.<\/p>\n
The Finale<\/b><\/p>\n
Close up shop. One last note: we have a boy. The last step
\nbefore the diaper is sealed is just as important as the change
\nitself. I sum it up in two words:<\/p>\n
periscope down.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Much to my dismay, I’ve found that I have a system for changing my son. I should have known it would happen. Our once well-decorated shelf is no longer; functionality won out over form. Baby wipes replaced knick knacks. Diapers now reside in the previous home of picture frames. It didn’t take us long to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=75"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=75"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=75"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plan.thewoottons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=75"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}